I received a blow to my self image yesterday, but I'm incredibly grateful for it. I'll keep this (relatively) short and say that I'm now able to define some not-so-wonderful things about myself that have been roiling around in a bothersome fog for several years. I knew they were in there, inside that fog, but I couldn't grasp hold of them in any meaningful or productive way and actually stop them from surfacing in my behavior.
The symbolism of the person through whom I received this message holding an umbrella and repeatedly tapping me on the leg when they made a particularly salient point was not lost on me. I've taken repeated emotional beatings in the past five years or so as a result of these issues, but never quite learned my lesson.
I really don't believe in "a god" but I do believe in some form of fate, or destiny. There are things we each need to learn in life, and you will keep on fumbling around and recreating the same situation in your life until you take the lesson to heart and change. Somehow being "beaten" with an umbrella was the appropriate symbolic gesture, along with some very frank yet caring conversation, to get through my fog. Boy, do I ever feel schooled.
Three good things:
1. I emphatically don't hate the messenger of my lesson, which is nice for a change.
2. I'm feeling rather enlightened, even though I know I have some hard work ahead.
3. The strange and symbolic and forceful way this came about blows my mind, which is pretty cool.