Sunday, February 24, 2008

The Chase, Reversed

I've been on hiatus from romance. Mostly by choice, though nobody has really been beating down my door to intrude on my state of singlehood. Which, I guess is one part of the problem I've had with dating over the last few years. I don't feel like my door has been knocked on very hard, I've been doing most of the knocking. I had the good fortune to lunch with an old friend yesterday, someone who knows me well and has been in my life in several capacities. His advice was this "You don't take relationships casually, it's just not who you are, and it's great that you recognize that about yourself. However, you should focus on being the fascinating person you are, not on being a girlfriend." So true, and so in line with my recent realizations: I want to be my wonderful self, not somebody else's wonderful girlfriend.

As to the beginning stages of relationships, here's my latest resolution: I'm not going to pursue men anymore. If I'm always the initiator and the aggressor, I struggle to believe that they're as interested in me as I am in them. I want to believe that whenever I get involved with someone that they really want to be around me. They should want to call me up and see how my day was, invite me over for movies, come over to my place for dinner...I should not be the one making all of those invitations. Without pursuit on their end, it's just stress and misery on mine. It's time for me to give the guys out there a chance to make those invitations without any pressure from me. It's also time to let go of all those thoughts running inside my head about who may or may not be lingering on my romantic horizons and what I may or may not do about them if they are, in fact, going to make a move. Regardless of some potentially "I'm interested in you" behavior by a few of the men I know, all mouths are mum on the subject - fine. If they're interested, they'll just have to do something about it. I'm done chasing these men down. It's time to let go again and fly in the wind for a while; it's time to be chased instead of chasing. Because, dammit, I'm worth a little chasing.

Three good things
1. I have a lot to keep me occupied in being my fantastic self.
2. Quitting the 'guessing game' about the motives of others has a certain air of empowerment.
3. It's flattering to be pursued; I think I'll enjoy feeling flattered again.


Georgiana said...

Every time I tried to back off, it ended up stressing me out. I didn't like always being the pursuer, it's true, but when I tried consciously *not* to, it was worse. I think you should just do only what makes you happy, and just do it anyway. If he's the right one for you, he won't mind, he'll like it and respond appropriately. If he doesn't respond appropriately, then he's not worth your attention any more.

Juliette said...

*sigh* I hear ya, I figure I'll at least try to do it less at the outset. I've been reminiscing about the last time I was actually pursued, it was soooo nice. Thank you for reminding me to be true to myself :)