Saturday, January 26, 2008

New Mantra, Or Not

I am adopting a mantra to soothe my wounded pride. I feel that I'm rather adept at choosing nice people to be a part of my life. I have fantastic friends. I also have relatively few "stinkers" in my romantic history, all of whom I met before I turned 21. It's something I've worked at and feel I have had great success at. My most recent ex embodied my idea of a good person: considerate, communicative, self-aware, caring, and appreciative. The way he handled breaking up, however, wasn't any of those things. It was self-centered, inconsiderate at points, and he said some pretty condescending things. Why would somebody who consistently displayed all of the "good person" behaviors, even during some intense and unpleasant discussions, suddenly not display any of them?

The answer could lie in a new mantra: "Good people make mistakes." It's easier if I think of him as a good person who is going through some tough times and who made a big mistake in his handling of a situation. It makes me feel better, all right? I also just can't get myself to be cynical enough to think he had somebody on the side who was more tempting than me, as some of my friends have offered up as a reason for his behavior. This may mean I am naive, but I'm choosing naivety over cynicism - so shoot me.

Wait, wait, wait, there's a flipside to this whole "he's not a bad person" gig. If I let him back into the good person arena, then I have to battle off that old demon of "maybe ______" insert delusional and pathetic hope of reconciliation and resumption of "the good times." Gah, I think being mad at him is easier. Maybe I'll just do that for a little while longer - I don't think I'm sufficiently advanced in the "getting over it" process to not miss him if I'm not mad at him. Screw "new mantras," I'll stick to my current one "He was unkind, regardless of the validity of his choice, he was unkind about it and so I'm mad at him."

Good things:
1. I haven't been tempted to drunk dial/text/email because I'm mad at him.
2. I have a handy coping mechanism if I go somewhere that reminds me of how wonderful he could be.
3. Being mad at an ex is a great excuse to go shopping with girlfriends, which is what I'm doing later today.

1 comment:

AnOnly said...

Yeah for shopping! And congrats on the blog. I love the three good things theme.