I've had a very long week. Most of my projects and activities this week failed in some way or another; from getting ideas heard at work, to planning an event, to finding a small glass bottle with a cork. All of these things, among others, were failures.
As some of you know, I have been failing in many of my endeavors at work almost since I started this job in June. I'm working in a culture where new ideas aren't embraced, and I'm a new ideas kind of girl. So, I've been frustrated and, as a result, really tired for about four months now. On top of that, the last four months have also been the source of a lot of relationship stress, in that a guy I was dating unexpectedly turned out to be a total asshole-pond-scum, and then I took yet another ride on the merry-go-round of "I have feelings for you but I don't want to hurt you again" with my ex from last year. I'm a very, very tired lady.
Today, I had a meeting with my friend and professional mentor, Mentor. He listened to me elaborate all of the ways in which I have failed and been frustrated professionally, and my wish list of things I'd like to happen in my career. Mentor and I sat for a moment in contemplative silence, we blew on our Jasmine tea, and then he said, "You are tired because persistent pursuit of the right thing is very tiring. One day, you will find a leader who wants you on their team because of that drive; you will not settle for less than the right thing and they will recognize that as a valuable trait. At that point, you will still be tired at the end of the day because it is always hard work to strive for the right thing, but you will be tired for the right reasons. Don't worry, you're a hot commodity."
Mentor is a wise man. I am very grateful for his guidance.
I won't settle for less than what I know is right for me. I won't accept a job which doesn't value me, I won't accept a man who doesn't admire me, and I won't accept a cheap plastic jar in place of the beautiful glass one I know is out there, waiting for me to find it.
Three good things:
1. I'll sleep well tonight - I'm tired.
2. In the end, I will be happier with my choices by going for what I want instead of accepting what I have.
3. I'm learning to listen to the wisdom of others.